Suburban Junky by Jude Hassan

Author:Jude Hassan [Hassan, Jude]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780615717661
Publisher: BookBaby

It was two o’clock, and groups were beginning to let out throughout the building. It was the first time I’d seen anyone besides staff. It was like watching a herd of sheep split off into two—one half went outside to smoke and the other to the nurse’s station to med-up. Dr. Humphrey introduced to me to a nurse named Sally, and almost immediately, she started singing “Hey Jude.” She stopped after the opening chorus and then, outta nowhere, pointed to my right arm.

“Can you lift up your sleeve, please?”

I maybe thought she was looking for track marks, which I had a lot of, but she pulled out a blood pressure kit instead. I smiled. My right arm wasn’t as bad as my left, because I’m right-handed and favored shooting with my right, but that only meant that my left arm was ten times worse off. There was one spot that was worse than anywhere else—right where my left bicep and forearm met. There was a small abscess that was starting to form right around there, and the veins up and down my arm were all burnt up, but I still shot up in the damn thing because it’s where I had the most success. I kept thinking the veins would come back, but they were gone—tucked under scar tissue and needle marks.

I pulled up my sleeve and hung my arm out in front of the nurse. She wrapped the blood pressure band around my arm, pumped it tight, and then released.

Once she was done with that, she handed me a cup to pee in and asked Dr. Scott if he’d accompany me. He said yes, and the two of us walked to a small room off to the side of the nurse’s station. I say “room,” because it wasn’t a complete bathroom—there was no sink or soap or paper towels, only a lone toilet bowl with blue water. I’m guessing it was to keep people from messing with their urine samples.

I was starting to feel more light-headed than before, but I had to keep going. I had to keep going, so I could make it to the nightly meeting and get my fix. I had to keep going and show my parents that I was enthusiastic about getting better so they’d be more inclined to give me what I needed, money and all that. I could’ve easily given up, and given in to the sickness, and fallen down on all fours; that’s how crappy I felt. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t. I had to keep going. I knew once I got that syringe steady in my vein and released the poison inside, everything would go back to normal, and all the day’s hardships would be forgotten. Until then, though, I had to keep going.

The doctor stood right beside me as I held the cup right up to my front side and did my best to piss. Nothing. It was impossible to go with another man looking down at me when I was most exposed.

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